yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
