We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
