Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
