Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
