Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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