Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
