I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
