She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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