their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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