nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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