I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
