We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize