Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
