we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
