haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
