I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
