im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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