Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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