I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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