AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
