I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
