swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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