I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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