Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
