me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
