Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
