Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
