there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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