smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize