Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found puke in my bra..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
