Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
