I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
