apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
