I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
