I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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