This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
True strength comes from lack of pants
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
