We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
