Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize