I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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