My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
