Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I look better un-naked...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
