I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
