Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
