Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
