I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
