I should be sponsored by Trojan
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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