If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
