Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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