Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
