the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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