dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
