When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
