i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
