I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize