He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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