well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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