She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
