I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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