He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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