HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
