I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
