just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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