He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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