my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize