you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
